Some Boats Need to Be Rocked
Are you a victim – or volunteer?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me
Have you ever complained about not getting something you've never asked for? Have you ever complained to everyone but the person you have an issue with? Have you accepted less than you desire because you were afraid to ask for what you wanted? You think you’re a victim, but I say...you’re a volunteer. You don’t get to complain about the lunch you packed for yourself. You get what you tolerate.
Who taught you to stay silent when something needs to be said?
Don’t rock the boat, baby
Most all of us have been taught to not rock the boat. We’ve been taught to be “polite” when something needs to be said. “Nice girls are seen and not heard.” If that’s true, then nice isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
What has inappropriate silence cost you?
If only I had said something
Take a look at times when you didn’t speak up. What did it cost you? Your reputation? Your money? Your health? Love?
Remember the song, “You were always on my mind?” Elvis explains that while he did not tell the woman he loved (Pricilla Presley) how special she was, she was always on his mind. Some good that did her! Intent is a poor substitute for communication and action.
What boats do you need to rock?
Waking in a dream
Many years ago, I dreamt a man (who was in many ways the love of my life) and I were in a boat. He was paddling and I was along for the ride. Suddenly I realized that he was taking us in circles. We were going nowhere. He was too busy negotiating the turns to notice or care.
I tried for years to get the kind of intimacy my heart yearned for with him. He talked a good game, but the game he talked kept us going in circles. Leaving him was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Love is worth speaking up for. In my marriage, when one of us realizes we’re stuck, we rock the boat. It’s a scary thing to do, but we end up going in the most exquisite directions – toward deeper love and intimacy. We recommit to love – to being wildly and passionately in love with each other – and then recommit to doing the things that deepen our love.
People tell us not to rock the boat – but some boats need to be rocked.
Six Secrets of PowerPhrases and The Ultimate Communication Formula
Because intimate relationships hit us on the deepest of levels, there’s a tendency to want to play it safe and hide from potentially contentious issues. But that’s the exact reason why we need to speak our truth. Our intimate relationships are the source of our nourishment that helps us face the world. When that’s lost, we are more vulnerable in our less intimate relations. When our intimate lives are a source of sweetness, that sweetness spreads to the world.
That’s why we need to SpeakStrong – to stand up for love – but to do it in the sweetest possible way. We need to learn the six secrets of PowerPhrases.
1. Be brief – say it and shut up
2. Be specific – use concrete examples and illustrations
3. Target your words – set a goal and choose words that will achieve your goal
4. Say what you mean – what you think, feel and want
5. Mean what you say – back your words up with action
6. Don’t be mean when you say it – avoid attacking, be fair
Secrets number 4 – 6 are The Ultimate Communication Formula.
The three conversations you need to have with your intimate partner or prospective intimate partner
Relationship by agreement
In The UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar, Jeffrey Armstrong talks about “relationship by agreement.” That’s a relationship where the participants have defined the purpose and intent of the relationship.
There are three essential conversations in intimacy. They are:
1) What opens your hearts and what shuts them down?
2) What do you each need to have in a relationship to be happy?
3) How will you speak to each other?
If you haven’t had these conversations, you need to.
Man’s secret, woman’s secret. God’s secret
Security, power, love, intellect
Jeffrey also talks about the fact that men and women tend to operate from different foundational centers. Women come more from the security and heart center, men come from the power and intellectual centers. These differences can be the source of contention, but in a deeply intimate relationship they are become a source of satisfaction and attraction.
Appreciated as a woman / man
What does that mean to you?
When I mention being appreciated as a woman, what do you think of? Most people think that refers to being appreciated sexually – and it can – but it means much more than that. It means being appreciated for grace, beauty, creativity, and nurturing. Please note that I am really describing feminine qualities – and these qualities can be found in men too – but women tend to embody them more.
When I talk about being appreciated as a man, what do you think of? Higher masculine qualities are protection, competence, and strength.
Our culture has taken political correctness to such an extreme that we hesitate to appreciate each other in any kind of gender specific way. That takes the magic out of the fact that we came to earth as male and female.
Have the courage to be the Feminine Divine
Women get it intuitively; men love it when they get it too
The divine feminine has been missing from our culture. It has been missing from our politics, our entertainment, and our intimacy. Just look at studies that suggest that seven minutes of love-making is enough. Women signed on to that too – because the art of reveling in love and sensuality has been lost. It’s time to get it back. It’s time for the feminine to stake its claim, speak her truth, and SpeakStrong in Love. Women understand that intuitively. Men are more likely to resist at first, but they love it when they understand it too.
True Tantra
Be the soul, love soul to soul, embrace the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine
The term Tantra has been reduced to mean sexual practices for enhanced pleasure. True Tantra is much more than that. True Tantra is learning to be the soul, love soul to soul, and to embrace the divine feminine and the divine masculine.
When my husband and I first started exploring Tantra, he thought Tantra exalted the feminine and discredited the masculine. In fact, it exalts both. Since the feminine has been silenced in our culture, finding balance means the feminine using her voice. The UltiMate™ Relationship finds the perfect balance between male and female, masculine and feminine.
Dare to desire
Dare to want the highest and the best for yourself, those you love, and your world. Dare to desire. Because the yearning you feel for love is actually a part of your true nature. Desire and Speak Strong. If you rock the boat, remember...some boats need to be rocked. And love is worth standing up for.
Meet International Vedic Tantra Master Jeffery Armstrong in Colorado Springs, August 14-17. Attend The UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar
Read Meryl's reflections on the wisdom of Love: Be the Soul, Love Soul to Soul
Read Meryl's poem on feeding her joy in her everyday life: A bliss-bubble Monday
Read Meryl's review of the SpeakStrong in Love TeleSeminar:
The Three Conversations You Need to Have With Your Intimate (or Prospective Intimate) Partner: A guide to enhanced communication for deeper intimacy
Meryl Runion's summary of the SpeakStrong in Love TeleSeminar:
What Yoga Can Teach Us About Successful Relationships: Vedic Tantra for the Spiritually Aware - How to Create Your UltiMate™ Relationship
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Meryl Runion and Speak Strong (SpeakStrong) provides Power Phrases (PowerPhrases) and other tools to help you improve communication skills at work and at home.
She is the author of the books PowerPhrases!, How to Use PowerPhrases, Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors and How to Say It: Performance Reviews. She can be reached at 719-684-2633 or by email: