August 26, 2008

Transcend the Guilt Trap: A glowing memorial and a set-up for regret and remorse

Filed under: Meryl's Musings by Meryl Runion |

I received word that a former sweetheart of mine passed away last week. We had remained amicable, casual friends in the over ten years since our short romance. I was happy to hear that he died peacefully in his sleep and I wished his spirit well. The news of his passing didn’t trigger much emotion in me.

i was surprised to hear how much emotion his passing triggered in my friend “Nancy.” She had decided they weren’t a match after three dates with “Joe” last spring. Apparently Joe had been more impressed with Nancy than she was with him. After a glowing memorial which presented Joe as super human, several people came up to Nancy to ask how she was doing, telling her how much Joe cared about her, loved her and what a crush he had on her.

Nancy reacted with guilt and remorse for not having given Joe a chance. It took a while for her to realize that she and he were no more a match than he and I had been, and despite his glowing memorial and his infatuation with her, she had made the correct decision to pass on his offer of more.

Endings often bring up unresolved issues, and although the news of Joe’s passing didn’t trigger much in me last week, our breakup did trigger a tremendous amount of emotion in me many years past. It took a skilled guide to help me realize it wasn’t about what I thought it was about and to help me move on. I tell that tale in a chapter in my Unite and Concur eBook. You can download that chapter free at The Great Inner Divide.