September 1, 2008
Speaking to Love ~ Love removes the labor of labor
Who knew I would find a moving story for my SpeakStrong in Love speech in…Integrative Medicine: A Clincians Journal. The magazine was on the table while I ate, and I opened to an article titled: Is there still a place for normal birth? It told the tale of “Cathy,” a woman who determined to deliver her second child naturally after her first birth, using drugs, had complications. Cathy’s husband was nervous and a distraction to the calm environment Cathy and her coaches sought to create.
That changed when Cathy’s coaches announced she had crowned. Jeffrey felt relief and came over to kiss his wife. Cathy opened her eyes, gazed into his and said, “Oh, Jeffrey, kiss me again. It feels so GOOD when you KISS me!”
Those words transformed Jeffrey. His fear and anxiety disappeared. Now he had a job he understood and knew how to do. He took his wife in his arms and kissed her in a kiss that didn’t end.
Cathy’s coaches debated whether to intrude and instruct Cathy to push. It turned out they didn’t need to. Cathy was completely absorbed in kissing, and didn’t seem to notice when the baby’s head emerged, then the shoulder, then the entire body. Cathy’s coaches laid the baby on her mother’s belly: Cathy and Jeffrey were still kissing.
Finally the kiss broke, and Cathy was stunned to meet her new offspring.
That’s the power of love to take the labor out of labor. The love Cathy and her husband shared eased the birth of their child. The term “labor of love” implies no or little labor at all. If you think you don’t have time to invest in love, you might be laboring unnecessarily.
Note how readily Cathy accepted Jeffrey’s shift from anxiety to love. She didn’t say, - Hello - Where were you during the hard part? Now that we’re in the clear you show up. Couldn’t you have shown some support earlier? Why’d you wait until it was almost over?
It’s easy to hold on to failings and limitations - but Cathy let go of any reaction to Jeffrey’s inability to support her early in labor. She received his love completely. Her words intensified his love.
How about you? Do you SpeakStrong in Love? Or do you speak in ways that limit the very love you’re hoping to elicit?
