July 27, 2009

She played at work and worked at play and wondered why nothing worked.

Filed under: Gentle power by Meryl Runion |

My husband and I playfully about remind each other to do things. For example, if he forgets to close the closet door, he finds the most interesting things in his jacket pockets. Sure beats nagging.

Turning work into play…and getting results…is delightful art. And turning play into work is a destructive one…and one that we too often apply. I think of a video where Oprah runs on a treadmill affirming how much she hated it every step of the way. I wanted to shake her and suggest she take up NIA.

But turning exercise into work is nothing compared to the way we can turn relaxation into work. If you ever learned TM meditation, you know that getting your meditation “checked” is all about making sure you’re not using effort in your practice. You can’t use the sympathetic nervous system to invoke a parasympathetic relaxation response.

That’s why whenever I hear the phrase “work on our relationship” it’s a red flag. Yes, relationships do require nurturing and attention and development. But if you consider it work, you activate a power style of functioning in a situation that best responds to gentleness that allows things to unfold.

I once read that the best thing you can do to raise great kids is to enjoy them. I’ll add to that, that the best thing you can do for successful love relationships is to enjoy the person you’re with. When I hear how my imperfect but fabulous friends who are married to imperfect but fabulous people talk about working on their relationships, I remind them that their sweeties aren’t problems to be solved. Let the invitable unfoldment process be a joyous one.