July 27, 2009
She played at work and worked at play and wondered why nothing worked.
My husband and I playfully about remind each other to do things. For example, if he forgets to close the closet door, he finds the most interesting things in his jacket pockets. Sure beats nagging.
Turning work into play…and getting results…is delightful art. And turning play into work is a destructive one…and one that we too often apply. I think of a video where Oprah runs on a treadmill affirming how much she hated it every step of the way. I wanted to shake her and suggest she take up NIA.
But turning exercise into work is nothing compared to the way we can turn relaxation into work. If you ever learned TM meditation, you know that getting your meditation “checked” is all about making sure you’re not using effort in your practice. You can’t use the sympathetic nervous system to invoke a parasympathetic relaxation response.
That’s why whenever I hear the phrase “work on our relationship” it’s a red flag. Yes, relationships do require nurturing and attention and development. But if you consider it work, you activate a power style of functioning in a situation that best responds to gentleness that allows things to unfold.
I once read that the best thing you can do to raise great kids is to enjoy them. I’ll add to that, that the best thing you can do for successful love relationships is to enjoy the person you’re with. When I hear how my imperfect but fabulous friends who are married to imperfect but fabulous people talk about working on their relationships, I remind them that their sweeties aren’t problems to be solved. Let the invitable unfoldment process be a joyous one.
June 11, 2009
Dating dialogue – intimate questions
Meryl
I do my very best to use your Power Phrases in all aspects of my life, business and personal. I am preparing myself to date soon and searching for the man of my dreams. One thing that I read and hear often is not to divulge much info in the first few dates.
What do I say, how do I change the subject smoothly, when the guy asks questions I do not need or want to answer right away?
My response
Not my expertise, but how about,
• I’d like get to know you a bit better before we talk about that.
What do you think? What I like about it is that it implies you do want to get to know them better, so it’s not a shut down. Once I said, “too much too soon,” and that was not well received.
Have tons of fun!!!
May 20, 2009
Gentle Power The power of a thousand butterfly wings
His advice sounded too gentle. That’s why I almost missed its significance. I needed to hit the problem head on, didn’t I?
Sometimes I do. In matters of love and friendship, often not.
I addressed the problem with all the force of a feather pillow. I addressed the problem with all the power of a field full of flowers. I addressed the problem with all the pressure of an open heart laid at my beloved friend’s feet.
I solved the problem. Or perhaps…we solved the problem. Or…the problem got solved. Thanks to an gentle friend advice and the “power of a thousand butterfly wings.” (Moody Blues)